Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
