The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
