his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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