Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
