We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
