I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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