I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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