Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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