I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize