How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
