Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
