i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
