i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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