There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
