I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
