all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
