you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
