My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
