so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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