Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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