Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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