After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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