I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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