Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
