yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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