i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
