I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am naked and annoyed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
