so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
