i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
