you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
