Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
