My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
