i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
