my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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