I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
