i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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