I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
