the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
