you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
