He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
