I'm going to jail i love you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
