Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no, he came in my armpit
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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