Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
