He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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