The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
