Umm I'm too high to move.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
