Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
