I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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