You're my little dorito
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
