I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
