listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
