I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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