she looked like the before picture.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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