How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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