Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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