there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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