Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
