You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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