they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
