smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
