Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
