my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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