Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize