Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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