He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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